The People's Park - Day 5, November 19

Last night was a really rough sleeping night for me. I had a hard time going to sleep, and it seemed like every time I did I was woken up by snoring or coughing. Every single one of us has a wicked cough, which has been made much worse by the smog. The last coughing fit occurred around 5:30 and ended with David waking up, so at the point I pretty much cut my losses and decided we would just start our day. Since I had only gotten about 3 hours of sleep I thought that running on the treadmill might help me wake up a little bit. Brian and I spent some time playing with the boys (Matthew was in our room last night), and then we gave David his first bath. He wasn’t too excited about getting in at first, so I gave him an empty water bottle to play with. He had a great time filling it up and dumping it out, and quickly realized that it would be even more fun to do that game from in the tub so he climbed in on his own. Brian told me to go ahead down to the workout room at that point, so I did. It was kind of spooky going down there, because most of the lights were still off. I actually had to use the flashlight on my phone to read the signs to make sure I knew where I was going. When I found it, I pulled on the door and it was locked. Guess I should have checked the hours. So back up to the room to find out when the fitness center opens. When I got back Brian had already gotten the boys dressed, and David insisted on wearing the same clothes from the day before. He’s a funny little guy! Definitely has opinions on things! Let’s just hope he’s not as opinionated as Caroline about clothing. I discovered the fitness center opened at 7:00, so I waited until 7:15 before going down again. I made it back through the dark, only to find it still locked! Back up to the 15^th floor again, and when I got up there I saw my dad heading to workout. I told him not to bother since it was locked. He is smarter than me and suggested that we call the front desk and have them open it. Brian did the honors, and after repeating himself a bunch of times using every synonym for fitness and exercise that he could think of, they said they would open it. We gave them a few minutes to do so and I went back down for the third time. If I had used the stairs instead of the elevator I could have just considered that my workout! I pulled on the door again, and it still wouldn’t open! Then my dad pushed on it, and I discovered that I am a genius and it had been open the whole time. You just had to push, not pull. We spent the next 10 minutes trying to figure out how to get the lights on. Since I couldn’t figure out how to push a door, I obviously wasn’t the best person for this task. Finally my dad found a phone down the hall and called the desk again asking for light. In the meantime I hopped on the treadmill in the dark but it wouldn’t turn on. I don’t know why I didn’t give up way before this. Apparently my stubbornness came out. I used an elliptical instead until someone came with a key to open the box on the wall that housed the light switches. At least there was a reason we couldn’t find the lights! With light I found the power switch on the treadmill and turned it on. But, I still couldn’t use it because it wanted me to insert a safety key which was nonexistent before the belt would start! So back to the elliptical with the broken tension knob that made me feel like I was walking uphill through quicksand. I made it 15 minutes before I felt like my legs were going to fall off and I switched to the bike.

Since we had taken so long to actually get started, I quickly realized it was almost breakfast time. I went back to the room and grabbed the girls from my mom (It’s her birthday today, Happy Birthday Mom! Thanks for spending it in China with us!) and quickly got ready. Then we all headed down for another adventure in the breakfast room. The kids have seriously been amazing this trip. I have been impressed by them again and again, and this morning was the first time I started seeing them getting a little tired and weary. Everyone loves David and of course wants to sit by him, so there was a little argument over that and who got to push the elevator buttons. Once we filled them with waffles, dessert cakes, fruit, and eggs, they were much more pleasant!

Today we were meeting Susie in the lobby at 9:30 again to go to a park. We traveled down one of the famous streets of Chengdu until we got to the entrance to the People’s Park. We learned last time we were here that people are required to retire at 50 if they are women and 55 if they are men, and the parks are full of them! When we first walked in there were two groups of women doing some combination of dance and yoga. A few yards down the path were some that were practicing sword fighting which was really cool. Of course none of these were as interesting as the spectacle that we were walking with our two blond and two Chinese kids through the park! We definitely got a lot of smiles and stares. We followed the signs through the park to the kids area and discovered a little amusement park. We were so glad that the kids would have somewhere to run around and play after spending multiple days cooped up!

It’s always tricky to understand how things work in China, even with a guide translating for us, so we bought tickets for something. We thought it might be for the rides, but it was actually to have unlimited time in what they called the play castle. That was fine, the kids went in and played in a ball pit, swings, climbing tunnel, and other fun things. Of course Lily had to go to the bathroom right when we got there, so I took her off to find that while Brian took the others to play. When I walked into the bathroom there was a woman coming out of the first stall which was handicapped, and I noticed that it had a regular toilet! This information came in super handy so I snagged it and took Lily in there. Of course we couldn’t get out of there without Lily loudly declaring “Ewww, stinky!”. So glad most people don’t understand English!

Back at the play area David seemed to be a little unsure of everything. I tried to go in there to help him out, but quickly got yelled at because I didn’t take off my shoes. I didn’t have socks on and didn’t want to walk around barefoot, so Brian went in instead. Poor little guy definitely wasn’t quite sure about playing on all these crazy contraptions. Back when we just had David’s picture and a little information his orphanage had told us that he was timid. This was the first sign we saw of that. It definitely held true for the rest of the day! Brian ended up taking him out of there, and he was happy just to be held and watch his siblings play.

The Chinese people really care about cleanliness and appearance (and warm clothes as mentioned earlier) and of course today I had forgotten to bring a hair tie for Lily. All of a sudden I notice this Chinese woman chasing after her and sticking a hair clip in her hair! You have to laugh and not take it personally because everyone is just trying to be helpful, but that would totally never happen in the US! We are silent judgers there, but in China everyone just goes ahead and fixes the problem or tells you about it! In some ways it’s kind of refreshing. Another funny thing that happened, whenever the kids came out of the play castle and walked off the mat without their shoes on, the Chinese ladies working there would get all stressed out! They would tell them to put their shoes on, even if it was just to walk over to the backpack for a sip of water or to give someone a hug! And if they walked back on the mat with their shoes on, watch out! They also wiped Caroline down when she came out of there all sweaty. Susie was wiping her back with a tissue while she got water.

After letting them play for a while we decided to try some of the rides. We bought some more tickets and the kids wanted to ride on this big yellow car first. Susie kept asking David if he wanted to play in the castle or do any of the rides, and he kept shaking his head no. So we sent the other three on it. They very quickly became the most popular ride in the park! People gathered around just to watch them on the rides. If you looked at Matthew or Caroline’s faces you would think they were having a terrible time, but really they were trying to hide from all the stares. Poor kids! Lily however was loving it! Surprise, surprise ;o) After the yellow car we went to another car ride we thought David might like, but he still wasn’t having it. Caroline spent that whole ride looking away from all the onlookers. As we walked toward the third ride, my dad and I looked behind us and saw a group of people literally following us around. It was hilarious! The kids were interested in going on a ride with swings that goes around in a circle, similar to the one in the kid section at Busch Gardens. These swings looked bigger though, like they could hold an adult, so we told them that they were too little for that ride. Plus last time we were in China we learned that the rides and things aren’t quite as tame (or safe in my opinion) as rides in the U.S. Boy am I glad we did! A few minutes later that ride turned on, and it was crazy fast and high! I think I would have been scared on that thing! We let them do one last ride – Matthew and Lily went on a caterpillar roller coaster and Caroline went back on the cars again with Brian – and then have some more playtime in the castle. At this point I started to feel a little sick. I think the Hot Pot lunch from the day before was starting to make my stomach a little angry. It’s never comforting to feel sick when the only bathroom nearby is full of squatty potties.

It was getting close to lunch time and I wasn’t feeling any better, so we decided it was time to go. We walked back through the park and found our van, but we wanted to spend a little time walking around the streets right outside. There were a few shops and lots of hot pot restaurants, but I was definitely not going in there! We walked for a bit and then drove back to the hotel. We had already decided yesterday that we were going to eat lunch at McDonald’s. Once we got back we walked back down to the plaza. Susie had showed me the first day where it was on the directory, but the names are all in Mandarin and 3 days later I couldn’t remember which one it was! We decided to just walk toward where we thought it might be, and hope for the best. This plaza has 4 stories and we really didn’t want to walk all of them! Right as we were about to get on the escalator my dad saw two girls with McDonald’s cups and asked them where it was. Score! I was never so happy to walk into a McDonald’s before. I’m pretty sure that I will eat at McDonald’s more times in this two weeks than I will eat there in as many years at home! McDonald’s doesn’t agree with me on a good day, so I went with the ever-nutritious ice option and got a McFlurry. The kids devoured their chicken nuggets and fries. We teased mom about how excited she was that this was her birthday lunch! This never would have flown at home ;o) I was thrilled to discover that the happy meal toy was a megaphone. That will not be annoying at all in a tiny hotel room! At least it will provide the kids with some entertainment.

Ok, this is totally unrelated but let’s talk for a minute about horn honking. To the Chinese, honking a horn is second nature. It’s just a part of driving. But here’s the crazy thing. No one is ever angry honking. For all of the honking we hear, we have yet to see one finger point, fist raise, or angry scowl. It’s almost like the honk is a way of saying “Hey, here I am. I’m going to try not to hit you but you might want to move out of the way because there are no guarantees.” Today there was one guy on a scooter just laying on his horn the entire time he drove down the road and there wasn’t even anyone around him!

My parents decided to stay at the plaza and walk around for a bit while Brian and I took the kids back to the hotel. David has not been really wanting to go to me as much as either Brian or my dad, so I wanted to get some quality play time with him without any of the guys around. Brian left to go work out and I played with the kids. Unfortunately my stomach didn’t quite agree with this plan, and I started to feel worse and worse. By the time Brian got back I crawled into bed and spent the rest of the day there. He took three kids next door for a while so Matthew and I could nap for a bit. At one point I was laying there alternating between coughing fits and stomach cramps. It was miserable, and I was super frustrated because what I wanted to be doing was bonding with my new son! I did eventually fall asleep and I vaguely remember my parents coming back, and at some point Brian ordered room service for the kids and put a movie on for them, but I was pretty much useless. Thankfully my husband is awesome and managed getting all four kids fed, entertained, and ready for bed. I slept pretty much until 3am which is when I started writing this blog post! I guess when you fall asleep in the middle of the afternoon, you can’t really sleep much past that! I’m feeling much better now and hope to be able to eat breakfast in a few hours. I think my cough is almost gone too. And, we travel to Guangzhou later! Things are definitely looking up!

Things this time with David are so different than they were with Lily. There are so many things to think about with a newly adopted child related to attachment, and since this time has been so different I sometimes worry if I’m doing something wrong. But it also really helps to have traveled this path before and remember that these two weeks are all about survival. He will eventually attach to all of us. At this point it seems like David definitely prefers his siblings and men, which is to be expected since he was used to men and those were the last caretakers he was with. He definitely has started pushing the boundaries and trying to figure out where the lines are. It seems that he does this the most with me, and my interactions with him fall more along these lines. He does it with Brian too, but he also plays with him more. His interactions with the kids are all about play, and I think he has bonded with them the quickest and the most. I’m so thankful that we were able to bring them, because I think that has really made the transition much easier for David. He also thinks Daideo is pretty fun to play with, and enjoys being held by him. While sometimes it’s hard to see him not want to come to me as much, I know that when we get home he will be with me all day every day and we will have plenty of time to bond. Brian will go back to work in two days, so I really want them to have this time to bond well. Since I’m so used to running the household, it’s hard for me to take a step back and let Brian kind of take the reins with David. I’m still being intentional and sitting by him at meals, or holding his hand, or playing with him, but I’m also not going to fight him if he doesn’t want me to hold him or carry him. And let me be clear, he definitely will come to me and play with me and smile at me and let me carry him. He just prefers Brian or my dad. So it’s not really a big deal or catastrophic or detrimental at all, it’s just different! Also, we have totally uncovered our secret weapon in getting him to do what we want. Lily. He will do anything she does. When we were at the Panda Park, every time she took off her hat, he took of his a second later. And when she put hers on, so did he. I am totally going to be exploiting that as often as possible!

This trip has also been really good for my relationship with Lily. She is definitely the child that makes me the craziest and pushes my buttons the most, and I often get frustrated with her. But watching her interact with her new brother has really been amazing. She is totally in her element and has become even more precious to me than she was before. Plus, I can actually talk to her, so in some ways she seems easier than David does (I know, this is a shocking sentence and even I can’t believe I just wrote it. I’m sure that the second she has a screaming fit I will completely recant it.) Overall it’s amazing to see how adopting David has already enriched our family. Even though it is hard and will be hard and still seems like a crazy idea, I can see why this was in God’s plan for us. I have found that usually when God calls us to do something, it never makes sense. But it is always worth it.

Baby Pandas! – Day 4, November 18, 2015

Before I tell you about the adorableness we saw today, let me share a few observations about the Chinese people and culture. One thing we learned last time (from some not so subtle Chinese who scolded me a few times) was that children need to be covered and bundled up at all times. Before I thought it had to do with modesty, but now I’m realizing that the Chinese people do not like cold, AT ALL! Remember how I told you that our hotel room was really hot? Well I learned that it’s because this is their winter so they have the air conditioning disconnected. And none of the Chinese seem to mind! Every morning at breakfast everyone is eating with winter coats on, and I’m sweating in just a long sleeve shirt. The weather here is cool, which is a nice break for us, but not cold by any means. We Floridians are wimpy, and I haven’t felt the need to wear a jacket yet. But you better believe that every time we go outside, we put our kids in jackets so we don’t get stares. It’s actually really funny, our guide asks us every day if we have jackets for the kids before we leave the lobby. Actually, she doesn’t ask us, she tells us that they need to have them and we assure her that we have them in our backpack. It’s just hot and we don’t want to be sweating in the van! And also, apparently it doesn’t really matter what Caroline and Matthew wear because they aren’t Chinese. I guess we Americans can’t be expected to be held to Chinese dress code. But it does matter what Lily and David wear! Today at the Panda Park when we got out of the car she told us that we needed to put jackets on Lily and David. Not Caroline and Matthew, just Lily and David. So funny!

I have also learned that the Chinese people are very creative and resourceful. Because not many people can afford cars, and even then you can only drive if you get picked from the lottery, most people ride around on bikes and scooters. The things that people have done to modify their scooters are hilarious and innovative. We saw one man today with an umbrella sticking straight up from his handlebars and spanning the length of his scooter. Tons of people have an obscene number of boxes stacked on the back and tied with one flimsy looking rope that apparently must have hidden super strength. Every time I see one of them I think of how that would make a great Amazing Race task. But I think my favorite scooter accessory is something we have termed the “scooter snuggie”. This is basically a giant quilt complete with hand warmers that look like oven mitts that goes between the rider and the scooter to keep their legs and hands warm. They are in all different colors and patterns. Whoever invented those suckers seriously hit the jackpot!

So on to today. We managed to get some pretty good sleep last night. Every night there’s always someone up for part of the time, but if you can get a good 6 hours straight that’s pretty successful. We went down to breakfast, or what I will call “The Napkin Struggle” for today. Our large table was taken so we sat in this private booth area, which was great because no one could really see us. David is really good about wiping his mouth and hands when he eats, except what he usually chooses to wipe them on is his shirt. At lunch yesterday Susie had him tuck a napkin into his shirt, and since the shirt he was wearing today was brand new and white, I decided to do the same. Well apparently it wasn’t ok when I wanted him to wear the napkin. I am quickly learning that he’s a pretty well-behaved and obedient kid, when you are able to communicate with him. Every time Susie or someone else who speaks Mandarin talks to him, he listens and does what they say. You can see the problem that arises when I try to get him to do something. Google Translate works great in our hotel room, but I can’t use it when we are out anywhere. So I put the napkin in his shirt, and he yells and pulls it out. I put it back. He pulls it out. I put it back. He pulls it out. We have now begun to enter a power struggle, and while wearing a napkin is not actually that important I do want him to learn to listen to me and do what I ask. So, every time he pulls the napkin out I move his plate away. I put it back in, push the plate back to him. This happens several times, and then my mom gets smart and has Lily and Matthew tuck a napkin into their shirt. It works like a charm. He leaves it alone and goes on with his breakfast. He did take it out a few more times, but quite slowly while looking at me to see if I was going to do anything. I would shake my head no, and then help him tuck it back in and praise him when he left it there. He usually gets upset when it’s time to stop eating, so when everyone was done I quickly picked him up and we left with minimal crying. 

Today was a sightseeing day and we went to the Research Facility for Breeding Pandas! Chengdu is famous for this Panda Park, and Sichuan Province is home to the most wild pandas (at least I think that’s what Susie told me). While we haven’t seen more than 2 Americans or heard hardly any English this whole trip, for the most part people are very friendly and smile at us when they see our entourage. There have been less people trying to take pictures of Caroline, and those that want to ask very politely. Caroline of course always hides and wants nothing to do with it. While we were waiting for Susie to get our tickets, a mom asked if Caroline would take a picture with her daughter, who was an adorable toddler in a furry panda hoodie. Of course Caroline didn’t want to, so my dad offered to have his picture taken with her. He was joking of course, but they took him up on it! When we got inside the park there were some panda statues, so little miss personality herself of course wanted to pose with them. I swear this girl cracks me up. She is totally going to be some type of performer at some point in her life. Then we headed to see the pandas!

We opted to walk through the park instead of take the bus, because we pretty much wanted to stay there as long as possible. There’s really not anything to do once we return to the hotel in the afternoon and it gets really boring really quickly. The weather was nice and cool, and the whole park was beautifully landscaped so it was like walking through a bamboo forest. There are two different panda nurseries there, and there were four babies outside in each of them. Most of them were sleeping, but they were so adorable! We also saw two little ones who were only two months old and still in a crib. Then there were tons of adult or slightly older pandas in habitats all around. The kids loved it! Lily kept telling us which panda each family member was. For example, “That Mommy panda. That baby panda. That Daideo panda.” I guess she was guessing their age and gender. She was definitely loving every second of it. Oh, and of course I forgot to mention that she was wearing her panda hat, and Caroline put on her panda shirt. No trip to China is complete without panda clothing.

David seemed to be having the time of his life. He walked the whole time always holding someone’s hand without complaining, just taking everything in. He would catch my eye and smile, and I’d see him smiling at the kids, Brian, and my parents, like he was thinking “I can’t believe all these people are here hanging out with me!” My favorite pictures of the day were taken at the end when Matthew and David were holding hands with their new stuffed pandas. In one picture they are looking at each other, and in the other they are both looking at the camera and grinning like Cheshire cats.

The last exhibit we saw was the red panda habitat. So if you didn’t know, red pandas hang out in trees and look kind of like raccoons. And apparently they are also mean and aggressive, at least according to the multiple warning signs posted around the exhibit, along with one that said one person has already been injured by a red panda, please do not chase them. Super comforting when you have four kids with you. Thankfully we didn’t experience any angry pandas, but they are definitely free to walk around EVERYWHERE! We saw two up in the trees directly above our heads, and then right at the end there was one just walking along the boardwalk 100 yards in front of us. We had wondered what an earlier hole in the chainlink fence was for. Well apparently it was so the pandas can get out. Great. The one that was walking was right by the exit, and heading toward a huge mass of people with cameras so we quickly exited before they noticed it and came running, which surely would have caused mass confusion and red panda aggressiveness resulting in injury. Of course we couldn’t leave the Panda Park without buying stuffed pandas, so we let each kid pick one out. Somehow they all managed to get different ones, which will be greatly beneficial in determining whose is whose!

We drove back to our hotel, and then walked across the street to a restaurant we had seen yesterday called Hot Pot. Thank goodness Susie was with us to order, or not only would we have had no idea how to order, but also no clue how to each this meal. We kept thinking it was similar to The Melting Pot, where you dip your food into a pot of hot oil and let it cook. Well, it was similar but not the same. Somehow I was tasked with ordering our food which is really not my forte. Susie asked me if we wanted a spicy or not spicy broth, and then told me to choose what I wanted off the menu. I had my mom take a picture of it, because it was really too crazy to be true. Here were some of my choices to add to our hot pot: the original ecological pig throat, Im fine goose, fresh duck tongue, fresh duck web, connected to the same flesh and blood, pee cattle pill, flower fish head, the best fish consumption son, and my personal favorite, fresh hairy belly. To say I had a hard time finding something that I considered edible was an understatement. I ended up ordering mostly vegetables, along with some shrimp dumplings and pork meatballs. So here’s how the whole process works. They bring out a huge bowl filled with a broth and seasonings and vegetables. It starts to cook in the middle of the table. In the meantime, you have a small bowl of oil in front of you which you add garlic and salt to. When the hot pot is boiling, all of the other things we ordered get dumped in. Then when they are cooked you scoop them out and put them in your bowl of oil. Then you eat it! It sounds gross and it kind of looks a little gross, but it was actually delicious. We also made sure to order the ever-safe-and-faithful fried rice for the kids and any less adventurous grownups.

I had planned to go to a grocery store when we arrived here to buy snacks and water, but we really haven’t found one nearby. We were totally out of any snacks with substance, so we went to the little convenience store next to the restaurant and let the kids each pick out a snack. They all chose a different type of cookie, and David was ecstatic to find some crackers that he was familiar with. I decided to give Chinese Oreos a try. FYI they are nowhere near as good as the ones in the US. Of course being the Americans that we are, we took a picture with our snacks outside of the store. Then it was back to the hotel for the afternoon. Pretty much every afternoon kind of drags on, and we are all counting down until we go to Guangzhou and stay at the Garden hotel. What we wouldn’t give for a playground and a fish pond for entertainment! We put a movie on for the kids and they kind of went back and forth between the two rooms playing. Around 3:00 the girls seemed pretty tired so Brian took the boys for a walk and I tried to get them to sleep. Of course I also ended up falling asleep for about an hour. We decided to head downstairs for dinner in the hotel again. No one was really hungry, but we knew David needed to eat and to be honest, we really had nothing else to do. Poor Matthew only lasted a few minutes. He has adjusted the best to the time change, not napping and sleeping at normal hours, but he’s still pretty tired. He asked if he could go back upstairs and go to sleep, so I took him up for bed. I think he also wanted a little alone time with me so I was happy to let him have that. Everyone else had a nutritious dinner of fried rice, beer, and French fries, and once Matthew was asleep my dad and I switched places so I could eat too. I was very thankful, because the freeze dried peaches I was snacking on weren’t really cutting it.

Tonight was Matthew’s turn to sleep in our room with David, so since he was already asleep we sent the girls next door and got David ready for bed. He is happy as can be all day, but as soon as it’s time for bed he completely loses it. Although I must say, his fits don’t hold a candle to Lily’s. Thank goodness! He was much harder to settle tonight. I don’t think he likes when we separate, because every time he starts crying it’s pretty much when the other kids go next door. Tonight I did the same thing I did last night, putting him back in bed when he got out, rubbing his back, trying to comfort him. Nothing really worked until I remembered the phonetic pronunciation for sleep that I had put on a picture card and started saying “Go to sleep, I love you” in Mandarin repeatedly. I seriously need to learn more Mandarin. It works every time.

Official Adoption Day! – Day 3, November 17

After a brief 3am interlude in which I lay awake for an hour contemplating sleep, I almost got a full night’s sleep! Our little people slept until about 7:30 which was a huge blessing. The little people in the other room had a middle of the night giggle and mobigo session, but then slept until almost 8:00. David woke up happy and ready to play, and he and Lily got right to it. Once the other two were up we got them all ready and headed down to breakfast. Today we were smart and chose a large table with enough place settings for everyone. I took David and Caroline to get food first, and quickly learned that taking David to get food is not a good plan. Every time I put something on his plate he got upset that he couldn’t put it directly in his mouth. I decided to take him back to the table with the little bit of food I had already gotten and let him get started. He seems to really love fruit, and didn’t care much for anything that was bread. I think it’s hard for him to eat. We also learned that he’s not a fan of spicy food! We gave him a “hamburger” (please use this term very loosely, it’s two small circles of bread with some type of shredded meat and spices inside) that was really good yesterday, but today it was much spicier! All of a sudden he started whimpering and throwing his food on the ground. Then he pushed his plate away and tried to collapse on the floor. I caught him and put his food back on the plate, but he was pretty much done after that. He sat on my lap, and a few times grabbed my hand and pulled me on a walk throughout the restaurant.

There was definitely much less staring at breakfast today. Or maybe I was just too busy to notice it. There was one man who came over to talk to us, and when he first approached I was pretty sure we were going to be scolded for something. But instead he told us that he admired our courage and love to take in a child. He said that people here hope that abandoned children find good families for them, and it was so nice to see that happen. He actually came back later and asked to take a picture of us with our kids so he could show his friends and tell them about us.

About 15 glasses of orange juice and just as many little dessert cakes later, we grabbed what we needed for our appointment and met Susie in the lobby. We returned to the Civil Affairs Office where we were yesterday to finalize David’s adoption after the 24 hour harmonious period. His caretakers were there again, and he smiled and waved and was happy to see them but didn’t cry for them or go immediately to them. He seemed happy to hang out with us. Every province seems to do things a bit differently, and in Sichuan Province the orphanage caretakers have to return and sign paperwork saying that they are handing custody rights of the child over to us. Last time the orphanage caretakers did not return the next day, and didn’t sign anything that I can recall. Last time we also went to another part of the building and were asked questions in a tiny room by a notary. This time that didn’t happen either. When we arrived we took a picture for the official adoption decree and then returned to the room we were in yesterday. The registrar came in and she and Susie took care of everything. All we had to do was sign a few papers. When they were finished the notary came in, and again he and Susie did all the talking and we signed some more papers. We handed over a few papers that we had brought and some passport photos, gave them our gifts, and we were done! We also took an official family picture with the orphanage caretakers before they left. We were done in an hour!

Susie asked us if we wanted to return to the hotel or go to a nearby temple. Just thinking of returning to the room for entire rest of the day with nothing to do was enough to make us all run and hide, so of course we said take us to the temple! Our driver maneuvered us through all the crazy back roads, narrowly missing all kinds of people, and parked right in the middle of an older section of town. Our hotel, which was only about a 15 minute walk away, is surrounded by skyscrapers and modern buildings that just make you feel like you’re in any big city. But this section of town definitely felt like China. The Buddhist temple was huge and the architecture was beautiful. We weren’t allowed to take any pictures inside, unfortunately. We walked through section after section, the smell of incense permeating the air. Each part of the temple was an open courtyard, then an enclosed sanctuary, followed by another courtyard and another sanctuary. I think there were about four different sanctuaries in total. Each courtyard had a large iron bowl with incense and fires burning off to the side. Susie told us that you burn incense in three, or multiples of three, and light two candles. People would be standing in the courtyard facing the door of a sanctuary holding their incense out in front of them with their eyes closed. The people in the sanctuaries were usually kneeling on ornately embroidered pillows in all different colors facing some type of Buddha on an altar. There were several monks in the temple, and one was walking around in one of the courtyards chanting and sprinkling some type of holy water around. The kids did a really good job of staying quiet and walking around with us. Lily was scared of many of the statues and the darkness of the sanctuaries. I’m pretty sure Matthew wasn’t a big fan of the incense based on his somewhat indiscreet nose holding. Hopefully no one noticed him.

Right outside the temple were several streets of shops and vendors. We followed Susie all through them and took in all the sounds and smells. I have really been impressed with all of the kids on this trip. We do quite a bit of walking and they haven’t complained at all! I think they are distracted with who gets to hold David’s hand ;o) It was such a neat experience feeling like we were in the heart of China. I did stop and buy a calligraphy brush for David for one of his yearly gifts. Susie said that it wasn’t the best area to shop because things were a bit expensive, but she did recommend getting him that. We also stopped at a local bakery and got a delicious pastry that we could smell from around the corner. That pretty much ended up being our lunch, along with a few cereal bars and fruit snacks. We seriously survive on the breakfasts here!

Back at the hotel my parents went to exercise and Brian and I had all the kids. At this point I really started to struggle with the long road we have ahead of us. While David is sweet and happy and honestly so much easier than Lily was in China, I’m really not able to communicate with him at all and it’s really hard. Google Translate can only take you so far, and it’s still only one-sided communication because he’s really not able to speak at all. He uses all kinds of voice inflections and gestures, but it’s pretty much a crapshoot trying to figure out what he wants. The only thing I know for sure is drink because he pretends like he’s drinking and points to his water bottle. He’s started to learn to grab our hands and take us to what he wants. The only problem is when what he wants is something he can’t have, like scissors or knives or markers on the white hotel comforter! He totally had his first time out today when Brian told him three different times he had to color at the table and brought him over there. The third time he got mad and threw his marker and started the head hitting tantrum again, so Brian told him no and took him to time out. He’s definitely testing the waters trying to see what he can get away with, so we are trying to be loving but firm in our expectations with him. He does seem to get it, because after his fit about my phone last night, today he gave us the phone any time we asked for it. And he didn’t try to color on the bed the rest of the day either. The kids all started getting stir crazy and cranky so we tried to get them to nap. That didn’t work at all. We finally succumbed to the pressure and put a movie on for them. David wasn’t too interested at first. Not surprising since he can’t understand it! He was also still struggling a bit and the honeymoon period was starting to wear off.

My parents came over to help while Brian went to the workout room for a bit. But he quickly returned because there was a class going on in there. I’ve been having a really hard time with the smog and have developed quite a nice cough, which combined with sleep deprivation pretty much just makes me feel miserable. So I took the opportunity to go over to my parents’ room and take a nap. Naps are seriously the best thing ever. An hour later they dragged me out of bed. I’ve never been good at waking up, just ask my college roommates. When I returned to our room Lily had just finished a major meltdown which resulted in her falling asleep, and Caroline was on the verge of losing her mind. Brian decided we needed to get out of there ASAP! Too bad Caroline fell asleep while I was calming her down from her meltdown about not wanting to wear the shoes she wanted to wear. Yes, I know that makes absolutely no sense. She was obviously exhausted. We decided to divide and conquer, and Brian and my dad took the boys for an adventure walk. I drifted in and out of sleep for a bit longer until they came back. At this point it was dinner time, but we still could not wake up the girls! I wasn’t very hungry, so I was nominated to stay in the room with them. I thought I might snap out of it if I started moving, so I put a workout DVD in the laptop and tortured myself with some Jillian Michaels. In slow motion. Yes, I’m not sure how it happened, but somehow the DVD was playing slightly slow. At first I honestly thought that maybe she was trying to make a point by talking kind of slow, but when the jumping jacks were twice as slow as normal I knew something was up. I couldn’t figure out how to fix it, so I just did everything longer. I did feel better after, and now probably won’t be able to sleep at a normal time. But oh well.

Everyone returned from dinner, and I learned that David had another little meltdown at the hotel restaurant. Turns out food issues are common in all adopted kids. I already knew that, but now seeing it twice makes it all the more real. Apparently he dropped some rice off his spoon while trying to get it in his mouth and that was just too much for him. Brian took him out to calm him down, and he eventually did. He was obviously tired so we started getting him ready for bed. Tonight was Caroline’s turn to sleep with David, but since she was already asleep we just let her stay put. We carried a sleeping Lily down the hall and Matthew brushed his teeth and headed down there too. Bedtime is definitely a hard time for David. I think that’s when everything starts to get real and the distractions of the day disappear. He fought me to put on his pajamas, and kept trying to hide from me. I got them on and calmed him down by showing him pictures of himself on my phone. He seriously loves watching his videos and seeing his pictures. After a few minutes Google Translate told it was time to go to sleep, and then the crying began. I put him in bed, he climbed out. I put him in bed, he climbed out. I put him in bed, he hid on the floor crying. I let him be for a few minutes to work it out, then Brian had the idea to scratch his back because he loves that. I scooped him up and tried to get him to lay on me. He fought it at first, but I kept rubbing his back and soothing him and eventually he lay his head on my shoulder. He was still crying, but he started to relax. I hummed a few lullabies for him. He reached for his bed like he was ready to sleep, but turns out he just wanted to escape again. I kind of blocked him in with my legs and kept humming and rubbing his back. He kept asking for something by holding out his hand, but I have no idea what. We gave him his stuffed dog, some of the clothes he had come in for comfort, and some water, but he still kept holding out his hand. Finally I would just grab his hand and rub it every time he held it out. Eventually he decided it was time to get under the covers, still crying on and off. He buried himself all the way underneath and then fell asleep. It’s clear that bedtime is going to be a struggle for a while. But hey, at least he’s sleeping in his own bed and not on top of me!

Gotcha Day! – Day 2, November 16

This morning Caroline and Matthew woke up at 5:30, so I woke up at 5:30. My parents lucked out having Lily in their room, and they woke her up at 7:00! We all got ready to go and then went down to the hotel breakfast. We are staying at the Tibet Hotel, and their breakfast restaurant is quite a bit fancier than the Garden Hotel. Not only were we the only ones there with kids, we were also the only Americans. You can imagine the spectacle that we caused. We also sat at a table that was too small for us (we could all fit, but only had 4 place settings and asking for more forks was a bit tricky) so I’m sure the restaurant staff was super impressed with us. My dad got in a few staring contests with some fellow patrons that were not so discreetly gaping at us open-mouthed. I’m sure there will be much less commotion tomorrow when we add to our numbers. Ha!

When we finished breakfast we headed back upstairs to grab everything that we needed to meet David. Then we met our guide Susie in the hotel lobby to drive to the Civil Affairs Office. Last time we did this we were with a group of 10 other families, and there were families from other agencies in the office too. It was more than a little chaotic. This time it was just us and one other family, who appeared to be Chinese. We were joined later by another couple from Vancouver who were Chinese-born. Our driver pulled the van off the road and we entered the back door of a building kind of at the entrance to an alley. I don’t know if we went in the back way and there was a more formal entrance, but this definitely didn’t look like a government office. We went up three flights of stairs and entered the office. Susie led us down the hall to a room with a huge table where we would wait for David to arrive.

At this point everything happened really quickly. We were sitting there waiting when all of a sudden my dad said “I see him!” and we got up and walked toward the door. He walked in with the orphanage director and one of his caretakers (who were both male, woohoo!), they spoke to him in Chinese and pointed at me, and he reached his arms out to me for a hug with a huge smile on his face. I scooped him up, and he just kept smiling! I took him back to the table so that the kids could see him better and Brian could have a turn holding him. They were all beside themselves and couldn’t get close enough! Caroline, true to form, kept giving him hugs and kisses. Lily was talking about everything and giving us a running narrative. Matthew was showing David all the cool toys he had in his backpack.

Our guide started completing the paperwork with the two men from the orphanage while we played with David. She told us that they told David he was going to meet us today, and he was very excited! He definitely was! Since he was sitting on my lap he couldn’t see me, but he kept turning around when I talked to him and giving me the biggest grin. I fully expected him to cry and kick and scream and be upset, and boy was I surprised. He went right to Brian, no problem (yay for having been around men before!) and was just so sweet and happy. The orphanage directly obviously cared for him, because he kept looking over at us and tearing up.

We signed a few papers, handed over our passports, and about 30 minutes later we were done. In all the rush I forgot to write down questions for the caretakers, which was a bummer because now I won’t get that chance. It turns out we won’t be able to visit his orphanage while we are here. I tried to ask a few things about his city but I think they were lost in translation.

Once everything was done we drove back to our hotel for a little while until lunch time. The kids had a great time playing together in the room. David just walked around, checking everything out. Matthew said this was the best day of his life, and kept commenting on how cute David was. Caroline loved all the sounds he made and echoed Matthew’s thoughts about him being cute. Lily seemed to take to him pretty quickly too. Soon it was time for lunch and we headed back down to the lobby. Susie took us across the street to a noodle house. Everything was in Chinese, so there is pretty much no way we could have navigated that ourselves. She ordered us dumplings and bowls of noodles. David claimed an entire steam basket of dumplings for himself and went to town! He has been taught how to eat and also how to clean up after himself. Every time he something got on his chin or his clothes he’d wipe it up with a napkin.

After lunch we got some money from the bank right down the street and then took a walk to the plaza, which is basically like a mall. Susie showed us where there were some American restaurants for dinner so we could return there later. Then she headed out and we decided to walk around and explore a bit. We found the fanciest Haagen Daas on the planet and got everyone some ice cream. During the walk back Lily started holding David’s hand. They quickly became little buddies, and at one point Lily looked over at me and said “David my friend”. He sure is, sweet girl. I was really expecting her to have a tough time with everything because she struggles with being jealous at home. Well a lot of you must have been praying for her, because she has really risen to the occasion and formed a quick bond with him. My favorite was when they were walking down the street hand in hand and singing together.

The rest of the afternoon was supposed to be family time. Since pretty much no one in Chengdu speaks English, that pretty much meant that we spent the afternoon in the hotel. It was during this time that I noticed the first sign of grieving from David. Earlier he had spilled water on his shirt, so we put on one of the shirts we had brought him. He had been fine with it all through lunch and most of the afternoon. Then all of a sudden he started getting upset and trying to take it off. His shirt was still wet so we offered him some other shirts to wear, but he kept shaking his head and pushing them away. I had put his sweater and jacket in a bag to keep them safe, so I pulled the sweater out and showed it to him. He grabbed it and wanted it on. Then he was happy again. The kids continued to play well together. So well that I decided I was going to take a little nap. Brian hooked David up with some Chinese cartoons and we let the others have some screen time. When I woke up two hours later Lily was asleep on the couch (she passed out watching Daniel Tiger), Caroline was asleep on the bed, Matthew was still playing with the iPad, and David was entertaining himself with my old phone. It was already 5:30, so the debate became do we try to wake everyone up and get out for dinner, or just stay here and have the guys bring something back. I could have easily gone back to sleep, but we decided we should try and bring some life back into everyone or we’d be awake half the night. So off we headed to the plaza and Pizza Hut. Turns out that even in an American chain restaurant, no one really speaks English and not much of the food is American. After we were seated we quickly realized that the only thing on the menu that was familiar was Hawaiian pizza. Guess what we ordered. Well, what we thought we ordered anyway. We attempted to order a Tsing Tao, 2 Coronas, 4 lemonades, and 1 large Hawaiian pizza. What we got was a Tsing Tao, 1 Corona, no lemonades, and 2 small Hawaiian pizzas. Matthew and Caroline both passed out at the table while we were waiting for our food so they didn’t eat. Lily was standing on the bench and serenading us with Bingo. And David kept trying to play the drums with his plate and utensils. We ate quickly and were ready to get out of there, but no one would bring us our check. We get lots of stares when we walk down the street, but in restaurants people don’t even make eye contact. Eventually we just stood up and started walking out hoping that someone would realize we wanted to pay and leave. They did, so we paid for our food and headed back to the hotel. We made it across all the scary busy intersections and managed not to lose anyone in the dark! Success!

We decided to let Lily sleep in the room with us and David, since she had been with my parents last night and they had bonded really well. He had no problem putting on pajamas (I kept using Google translate to tell him what was happening) and loved brushing his teeth. We tried to read him a story, but he doesn’t want to sit and listen for long. He has been doing well going to the bathroom on his own, but the poor guy is a little scared of the toilet. He is used to the Chinese version of the squatty potty and holds our hands with a death grip because he thinks he’s going to fall in. Once we got him all ready for bed, we ran into our first rough patch. He had been holding onto my old phone, and when I told him it was time to put it away and go to bed he did not like that idea. He started hitting himself on the head, falling backward, kicking his feet and crying. Thankfully he was on the bed so he didn’t hurt himself. I had anticipated bedtime being tough, since that’s a time when most kids start to grieve. I just held him and whispered “Wo ai ni” (which means I love you) in his ear. He settled down but still didn’t want to go to bed. We kind of just let him be, and for a while he sat on the floor between the two beds munching on an apple. Next thing I knew he climbed in bed with Lily and the two of them were giggling under the covers. A few minutes later they were both asleep.

The Journey – Day 1, November 14-15

We arrived at the Tampa airport at 4:30 am Saturday morning. I was very thankful that the airport wasn’t crowded, because it was quite a process scanning and checking all 7 passports! We got some breakfast and had a few minutes to eat it at our gate before boarding. Leading up to the trip, I wasn’t sure that Lily actually understood what we were telling her about going to China. She didn’t seem excited about it at all. But let me tell you, the girl was pumped in the airport! She was jumping and singing all over, and kept saying “Go China, get David?” We boarded our plane and had a quick and uneventful flight to Houston. Our layover in Houston was quick, so we just went to our gate and waited for boarding. The second flight was 4 hours long, and everything went smoothly. We arrived in San Francisco early, and hungry! It was quite a trek to the international terminal. Once we got there we found a deli and got sandwiches and salads for lunch. I was also able to watch/follow online the fourth quarter of the Florida game. I couldn’t pass up my weekly opportunity to experience high blood pressure and exasperation!

For the first two flights we were switching which kids sat with which adults. We weren’t able to get seats all together, so we were usually in twos or threes near each other. This time I sat with Lily and Caroline, Brian sat with Matthew, and we gave my parents the opportunity to be kid-free! Brian and Matthew ended up with an extra seat next to them, which really came in handy. Everything on the flight started out well. The kids hooked up their headphones to the in-seat screens and started watching movies and shows. There was a little concern when we thought that my parents’ seats didn’t have tvs because there were no seats in front of them, but they discovered that they come out of the side of the chair. I was pretty tired from my 3:00am wake-up call and couldn’t get comfortable in my seat, so I traded Brian and stretched out a bit in two seats. I slept for a few hours, and was woken up with the sound of Caroline doing a choke/cough that resulted in her throwing up. All over herself. And the plane seats. We were trying to be discreet about it, but it was a little tricky with her crying and the not-so-pleasant smell. Thankfully I had packed an extra set of clothes for everyone in our carry-on so I took Caroline to the bathroom to change and wash up. In case you didn’t know, Caroline has a thing with clothes and she was not happy with my selection of pants. So a bit more crying ensued. I managed to get her back to her seat and settled watching Inside Out and my dad and Brian cleaned up the plane and got her clothes and sprinkle blankie in a bag. This all happened at about hour 5 of our flight.

By hour 6 I was pretty sure that there was no way that I could make it through the rest. I kept staring at our plane on the little map and we were only over Alaska. The flight time remaining countdown kept taunting me with its 8 hours and something minutes. No matter what I did I couldn’t get comfortable, and every time Caroline breathed funny I was on high alert with a barf bag to catch any further vomiting. I was pretty sure death was imminent. To get out of my head I literally had to tell myself that no matter what I did, time would go on, and I would be getting off the flight eventually. I basically gave myself a survival pep talk. Then I decided that sleeping was obviously not working, so instead of trying to sleep and being continually frustrated I would just stop trying and watch a movie. That worked for a while. A few hours later Caroline got sick again, but this time it was all contained in an air sickness bag. None of the adults were able to sleep much at all, but Lily passed out across two seats for a huge chunk of the flight, and Caroline slept quite a bit too. Even Matthew managed a few hours when I made him stop watching the in-flight entertainment!

We did eventually land in Chengdu, and I could not have been more relieved. I had been dreading the flight. No one should be in a tiny space for that long! In our rush for freedom we almost left Matthew’s suitcase on the plane, but thankfully Brian realized it at the end of the jetway and went back. The Chinese are always ever so helpful in their input about clothing, and the man sitting across from us on the plane made sure to tell us that Caroline needed a jacket on. It wouldn’t be China without unsolicited advice! After making our way through two customs stations (read, attempting to stand in line while simultaneously boxing out anyone who tried to cut in front of us) we met our guide Susie. She took us to our van and we embarked on a 50 minute drive to our hotel. We could not believe how much traffic there was on a Sunday night! Without traffic I doubt it would have taken us very long at all. It didn’t take long for us to be indoctrinated back into China driving. It’s basically a continuous game of chicken with lots of honking involved. I think we almost took out at least 4 bikers and a few scooters, but somehow managed to make it to our hotel unscathed. Susie told us that we would be meeting David at 9:30 in the morning and to meet her in the lobby at 9:00! We didn’t get to meet Lily until 5:00 in the afternoon, so I was feeling a little unprepared and overwhelmed with it all. I still had to write questions for the caretakers, put together some gifts, pack David’s backpack, and breathe. But at that point I was so tired it was all I could do to make it up to our room and go to sleep. I think by 10:30 we were finally in bed.

I wish I could say that I had a great night’s sleep, but I woke up around 2:00 because I was so hot! No matter what I did to the thermostat the temperature wouldn’t change and the fan was not blowing any air. I think I lay there for an hour in misery, contemplating what tomorrow would bring, and to be honest, kind of having a bad attitude about everything. I wanted to be back at the Garden hotel where we stayed before, where things were a familiar. I didn’t ever want to set foot on another plane again. Too bad that’s happening all too soon. And to be honest I kind of just wanted to go home. As I was laying there having a pity party for myself about how uncomfortable I was, I felt God very clearly speak to me. He said “Erika, how much did I sacrifice for you when I adopted you as one of MY children?” That stopped me dead in my tracks. Wow. Surely I can handle a little heat, strange food, and not much sleep for a few days. I mean, God gave his only Son for me. And Jesus gave HIS LIFE for me. All out of love. How cool that I get to experience a tiny part of that through this adoption. My small sacrifice of comfort is bringing life to a little four year old boy half way around the world.  

Adoption Update

Since I've been in blog blackout for so long, I thought it was probably time to give an adoption update! Here's a quick summary of our journey so far.

We completed our Dossier and sent all of our paperwork to China at the end of June, and were logged into the system on July 9th. With Lily's adoption it took 170 days for us to complete the next step, which was receiving our Letter of Acceptance from China. This was extremely long (I've actually never heard of a longer wait!) since average waits at the time were 60-70 days, so this time we were hopeful that our wait would be much shorter. We were so thankful that it was! Our LOA showed up in the computer system 50 days later on August 28 and it was at our agency on August 31. We quickly signed it and sent our paperwork on to US Immigration. They approved us two weeks later on September 18! We had to jump through a few more small hoops before we could send in our last bit of paperwork. I was a little anxious because China has a week-long holiday at the beginning of October, and I wanted to get our Article 5 paperwork submitted before they shut down. We received our last document on Monday morning, and our agency was able to drop off our paperwork the next day on September 29th! Normally Article 5 (David's visa application) takes 10 business days to process, but due to the holiday ours is scheduled to be picked up on Monday, October 19th. Then the last step is to wait for Travel Approval! We are tentatively planning to travel to China around November 14th and meet David on the 16th. We will be there about 2 weeks and travel home right after Thanksgiving. Nothing will be official until we receive that final travel approval, which we hope will happen by the end of the month.

This morning I found out the Guangzhou Consulate has decided to close Monday and Tuesday, so we will have to wait a few more days for our Article 5 to be picked up, which will push our TA back also. It's so hard not to be frustrated with these delays when we are so close to the end. But this morning when I was reading Philippians I was reminded to rejoice in the Lord and to focus on what is true. And what is true is that we are bringing David home. He will be a brother, a son, a grandson, a nephew, and a friend. He will have a family. And God has done that for him. That is something to rejoice about. We are coming SOON buddy!

Carseat Conversations 2nd Installment

Background: Matthew is wearing three bracelets on his arm and is talking about the color of each one.

M: This one (green bracelet) gives me throw up power. I throw up on bad guys.
C: Ew that's gross!
M: The red one is invisible power. No one will ever see me.
Me: Matthew, I'll be so sad if I never see you again!
M: Don't worry mom, I'll make noise.